relating and relationships

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One thought on “relating and relationships

  1. why people divorce or cheat or fail to be happy in a relationship:
    here i’m jotting down my thoughts on why relationships do NOT work:

    1-if the couple does not enjoy each other’s activities or ideas:
    (there might have bin a physical attraction or ‘chemistry’ at some point. But chemistry isn’t everything. And what if a some hot smoking dude shows up and entices ur significant other? If she doesn’t think that u r a good guy and she doesn’t share your goals and morals, she won’t hesitate… and vice versa.

    2-if there are too many differences:

    u might have originally felt that there is one or two things u have in common. But if there are too many things to divide u, it won’t last.
    u might be a good person and so is she… but if u are an ‘APPLE TREE’ & and all u are able to offer are apples,
    and she just doesn’t LIKE APPLES 😦
    and she is a… pear tree and all she is able to give u are…PEARS. AND U JUST DON’T LIKE PEARS…

    When u two met, u thought: great, we are both fruit-bearing trees, what can go wrong?
    But u just arent equipped to give what the other one needs.

    what if one spouse luvs poetry, and the other one can’t stand it?
    or if one spouse loves sci-fi while the other one can’t dig it?

    if there is real warmth and love, the couple can show interest in each others’ activities, and watch sci-fi together, bcuz it is something the other one likes, the spouse will be happy to come along for the ride-
    knowing that it will be reciprocated, and that next time they will watch something she likes.

    3- flexibility to each others’ needs

    Some people are naturally easy going and happy to accommodate their loved ones.
    Others are hell-bent on NOT GIVING IN!
    To them, giving in isn’t love, it means that lose their self-respect.
    so if their spouse asks for something thet see as unreasonable, they will not hear that their spouse needs XYZ.
    if they don’t feel like its the right thing , it won’t happen.

    big problem if the other spouse is a bit needy and needs reassuring gestures.
    Ive been on both sides of such relationship…

    4- sharing social circles:
    i think that the couple needs to at least TOLERATE each other friends.
    if u despise ur partner’s friends or family, or they despise u, u got a problem…
    i’ve bin there too 😦 on both ends of this dilemma…

    5. another point: common goals-
    One spouse might see something as important, and the other as… stupid or petty.
    Now, it is difficult to get excited over something that seems unimportant, but if we remember that our other half is a part of us, then it makes sense.
    The problem becomes pretty serious if your partner takes trouble to … undermine u/spread evil gossip about u/belittle u to her friends…

    U can try to be a tzaddik and understand that she needs validation and it helps her feel better about herself, but c’mon… if its at your expense… such relationship might have trouble surviving…
    …Which brings me to #6, which really summarizes the whole thing:

    6. Seeking each others’ benefit:

    That really is the basis of any relationship. If two people are REALLY committed to act in each other ‘s interest, all the rest will fall into place…

    So, caveat emptor, before u embark on a journey with a potential partner, see if s/he is willing to extend themselves for you as much as u are willing for her…

    Most people see themselves as giving and easy-to get along with, but when the push comes to shove, they arent’ too keen to accommodate each others…

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